A week rolled around and it was the Wednesday before Easter. I had already taken the rest of the week off from work, so there was no reason for me to sit around the house. I packed my things into my backpack and in a flash I was on my bike and on the highway. The forecast had called for rain so I prayed that I wouldn't get rained on and arrive in Ann Arbor soaked. I sent Sweeny a text message and rode onto the highway. Side note: Our first winter in the States, I was moderately frost bitten during recess as I was playing in the snow. Anytime that you have been frost bitten, that part of your body is more susceptible to cold, thus my hands get cold very easily. This made those last four weeks of football in high school unbearable. Thus before I stored my bike in the winter, I knew that I would need heated grips because from our November trip to Hotel Arch, I got off my bike and my hands were frozen in a claw motion. "The Claw!" (Shoutouts to you if you know where that quote is from). So before bringing my baby out of storage for the spring, I made sure to install heated grips and they certainly paid off. After about 35 minutes of fast and furious riding (pun intended), I arrived at Hotel Arch and parked my bike. The sky was gray and hazy, as rain was in the forecast, thus campus looked dreary. It had snowed in Michigan that Monday, and I remember how this had pissed me off at home because it was technically spring. Maybe AA was echoing my sentiments that day. I walked into the house expecting the inhabitants to be raging. Fail! The house was strangely quiet and I could not figure it out. I walked through the kitchen and noted the mess that greeted me. Either Sweeney had died or was being held captive like Piggy in Lord Of The Flies, or he had just given up any hope of getting the guys to clean up after themselves. I ventured downstairs to set my bag down and from what assaulted my eyes, I should have turned around, went back outside, re-boarded my bike and rode back home.
We were in town that weekend to RAGE, and from the looks of things, they had been raging since 1976. There were food cartons and containers everywhere. Naturally there was uneaten food in each and every container. There was pizza, something that looked like soup, something that looked like Chinese, scrapes of BTB, etc. Beer cans and bottles were literally everywhere as if Hitler himself had blitz bombed the basement with cheap beer. The trash can looked like someone had played a game of Jenga with it, as the trash had now toppled over and was surrounding the floor. I wish I was exaggerating but "mess" is not a strong enough of a word. I couldn't even find a place to sit without feeling uneasy. Thus I immediately set myself to cleaning the basement. I had stayed there for almost a month after we left 1502, so to show appreciation I would always try to keep it neat and tidy, so cleaning up was not a big deal. Besides, I cannot bring myself to relax in a mess that I did not help to create. I grabbed a trash bag and began discarding all of the pieces of trash that were around. I changed the trashcan and inserted a new bag into it. I picked up all of the old beer bottles and cans and took them to the backyard. I grabbed a Lysol wet wipe and wiped down every table surface. I gathered all of the blankets, Febreezed all of them before neatly folding them and stacking them neatly. I dusted every couch and proceeded to spray Febreeze on all of them as well. I tidied up the TV stand by rolling up stray video game controllers, and what not.
I wiped down Stev and Laura's "True Love" photo and laughed while I was doing this. It was on a whim that the pictures were up there in the first place. He had left a book bag to be thrown out, when he and Chin had left Ann Arbor in the fall. I forgot who I was with but we opened the book bag to discover a bunch of goodies. There was a toy gun, an unopened DVD collection of Lost Season 3, and two pictures with Stev and Laura (I assume she's "Number 1"). Thus as a joke we said that we should display the picture as an example of true love. This had occurred back in the fall, so to have made it all the way towards the end of the school year was what "tickled my fancy."(I do not talk like this. It's just from time to time I have to try out new phrases to see if I can sneak them in) I continued with the cleaning up and I eventually was able to vacuum. After one last round of Febreeze in the air, I sat down on the couch confident that I would not contract something. One by one, the boys eventually made their way home and in talking with St. first, I realized that campus was quite because they were in the middle of finals week. This stunned me because it seemed earlier than it should have. This meant that in a week, St. and Sweeny would be graduating and I would be back in AA because my sister would be graduating as well. Everyone went off to study for their individual finals and I returned to the basement to do some work of my own. There was a City Year program that I was applying to, so I decided to compose the essays that night. The rest of the night was filled with me finishing those essays, ordering some Chinese right before they closed (I HOPE they didn't spit in my food), and watching the Detroit Red Wings win their playoff game and Chris Paul beat up on the Lakers in game 1 of that series.
In closing, I just realized that I have ZERO pictures of my baby. Anyone that knows me, is well aware that I have a thing for older women, well my baby is about 7 years older than I. So the two pictures that follow are first of the knob to activate the heated grips and then a full profile of my baby the 1981 Yamaha 550 Maxim. Ladies if you see a handsome, black guy on this bike, feel free to ask for a ride, but try to be discreet about it as my baby tends to get jealous. Cheerio.
We returned from our trip to Ann Arbor and that is when I noticed that things began to change. If I did not call or text her first, I would not hear from her. I assumed that she was busy and thought nothing of it. We saw each other once more in late January after our trip to Ann Arbor and she apologized for being "difficult." Side note: Jen was the first girl that I LOVED going down on. I took pleasure in driving her wild with my tongue, to the point where she would have to fight me to stop, as she could not stand it any longer. Amanda was the second girl that I loved doing this to. So that night, I indicated that I wanted to see her as I had not seen her since our trip to Ann Arbor. It was late and she responded with "Are you trying to use me for sex?" I laughed at this but honestly responded with a "No." My thinking was, Valentine's Day was that upcoming Monday and I wanted to surprise her. As many a guy will tell you, NO THANKS TO HALLMARK, many girl's now expect things on February 14th. So my thought process was I would get her something before Valentines Day. Thus if we didn't do something extravagant, she would know that I cared for her and was thinking about her. I bought her a long stem chocolate rose and yes I wanted to see her, but my true motive was to sneak the rose into her room. How I envisioned it was that she would find it when I wasn't there and be perplexed as to how it ended up in her room (I can cake with with the best of em). So she showered and drove over at around 2 am to pick me up. The rose was too tall for my pockets so I had to stick it in my sock but it still hung out, so I had to resort to a sidewinder walk. We made it over to her place and her father was out of town and her mother worked nights, so only her sister was there. So back to how I began this side note, I ended up going down on her in the family room with the TV on. Can you blame me? I have a sexual nature (points for honesty you hypocrites). I really have this belief that as a male, one of your duties is to make certain that your woman is sexually satisfied. I think that as guys, we get caught up in being a "provider" that some males take their women for granted. So I really believe that if more males regarded their partners sexual needs as highly as they regard paying the mortgage, or car note, or utilities, then ALOT more relationships would last longer. So I said we weren't going to have sex but I never said she wouldn't get hers. She was half naked on the couch to my left and my legs were sticking out to the right. Thus my head is in between her legs, doing what I do. However, nearing the moment of climax, I felt a tugging on my right leg. What??? I raised my head to observe her fat ass cat tugging at my right leg. It had sensed the chocolate rose in my sock and was now pawing at it.
So if you can imagine, I was trying to finish Amanda off to the left while kicking the cat away on my right, all without Amanda realizing what was occurring. It's quite funny if you think about it, but about 5 minutes later I had achieved success on both fronts. Admittedly I felt proud, but I still had to get the rose to her room. So we begin talking and she explained that lately she had a lot going on and that's where her attention had been. I told her I understood and all I was after was to hear from her once in awhile to make certain that she was good. We eventually made our way to her room and I immediately crashed on her bed. Quick side note, my mattress is a piece of shit! The springs are all irregular and provide the opposite of a comfortable sleeping surface. So I would like to take this opportunity to formally apologize to any girl that has ever slept on my bed. "Yeezy taught me better than that!" Now I am laying in her bed and have to get her out of the room. Think Michael! "Could I have some water," I asked as slyly as I could without trying to draw attention to myself. She obliged and I rushed to the desk stand that was in front of her bed and placed it in a cup that housed real flowers. I fidgeted with it until it looked unassuming to my eyes. I was able to leap back into bed a second before she opened the door and returned to the room. The next morning we awoke and began talking. I hadn't seen her since our trip to Ann Arbor and so it felt good simply "shooting the breeze" with her, however I should have asked her to take me home immediately. Somewhere along the conversation, she looked up and noticed my chocolate rose. "How did that get there," she asked? "How did what get where," I returned. "That rose," she exclaimed! "What are you talking about, I assume someone bought it and gave it to you," I replied. (wink wink) "Wait! Did you do that?" she continued with her eyes lighting up. Fuck! I had to act fast. So as calmly as I could, I looked at her and said, "You must have me confused with one of your other lovers. I don't even know where you live (which is true), how would I magically get you a rose?" She considered my logic and calmed down for a second to think. My head was saying, "I think she's buying it!!!" So I watched as she responded with, "Yea your right, how would you even get it in to my house without me knowing? We were together the whole time..." I watched in slight disappointment as she connected the dots and lit up once more, "It was when you asked me to get you water! I know exactly what it is. I bet it has chocolate in it" She had me but I couldn't admit it. The way that she was finding out was "Not how I drew it up in practice." Thus I brushed what she said aside saying, "Shoot, you'd wish I would get you a rose. You better ask one of your other lovers, I DON'T like you like that!" We laid around in bed for a bit longer before she took me home, thus after that day I thought she would stop being distant.
However, when I went three and a half weeks without hearing from her I knew something was wrong. It was unsettling that we could go that long and not have a conversation. When I met her, she told me that she was applying to an Au pair program in Italy that would last for 6 months to a year and I was excited for her. This is the time of our lives where we should be pursuing all of our heart's desires so that when we finally settle down, we can say that we did not miss anything. So if I could not manage seeing her for 3 and half weeks, how could I manage 6 months to a year? My desire to see her was more emotional than physical. If you care about someone but you do not hear from them in 3 and a half weeks, you're going to be naturally concerned. I knew then that whatever was consuming her had to do with her husband so my last desire was to add to her unrest so I let her be. Two weeks later I got a job offer from Rite Aid and was excited as this was one of the positions that I had applied for with her aid. I now had a phone and a job so things were looking up. She had said that when I began work that we would go out to celebrate. As it was, my first full day was the Monday of Valentines Day so I planned a dinner for us after work where I would pay with the last $30 that I had. I was excited about not only getting a job but now being able to pick up the check because it felt weird when she would pay for things, especially now that I considered her as my girl. That first day was a tough one but it was Valentines Day and I was expecting to see her afterward so I did not mind. Early in the day, I sent her a text message during one free moment but received no response. After work, I sent her another message and two hours later, I still received no response so I was really concerned.
If you have read my previous posts then you know that this was not how she responded to me on the phone. Secondly, I finally just got a job and it was Valentine's Day! The one day of the year where couples are encouraged to cake, that's slang for being cute. Thus to not even be receiving a response from my texts begged the question, "What is going on with her?" If she was with another guy that was fine, but all she had to do was express that she had plans. That way I would not be expecting to hangout with her. So I waited about two hours after work before sending her a text message that began with, "Are you okay? If I don't hear from you in nearly four weeks, I'm naturally concerned?" She finally responded with some message that ended in "let's keep it simple." I'm thinking good for you, but that was affirmation and not an answer to my inquiry so I asked once more, "What's good? We used to talk about anything and lately you're very distant. Again she replies with a message that ended in "let's keep it simple." I'm now getting irritated. Recall I'm fresh from my days in Ann Arbor where keeping it simple is what I did senior year. Due to class and tests, and internships and differing schedules, you could go weeks and sometimes months without seeing an old flame. However, once you saw each other you hooked up and they went on their way. Simple and I'm world class at it. However, when I met Amanda, she was the one who wanted to open up and meet families and etc. I was PERFECTLY fine with a physical relationship where I would put it down and send her limping home. So it was her that opened the door for us to have an emotional connection. This "keeping it simple" bit of hers was almost comical because I was wondering "Is she serious?" I expressed this fact to her and once again, she replied with "let's keep things simple." Now I'm annoyed! This girl was just not hearing me. Her birthday was a week from that Monday, and she would be out of town in Florida. Thus I had written a song for her called "Happy Birthday Marie," which I might throw into my novel, "Galfing: A Young Man's Guide" and so I planned to email the song to her. However, the guy that was mastering my songs for my mixtape, "The Graduate," was giving me trouble. Mastering is when you take a song and bring it to radio quality, thus I had just paid this guy full price for the 22 songs on The Graduate and now he was trying to charge me again for this one song. He could just as easily add the birthday song to the collection of 22 songs so that I would not have to pay. Thus in frustration I let the "cat out of the bag" and expressed this to Amanda saying I wouldn't be going through all of this trouble with someone I was just "keeping it simple" with. I continued by telling her that I didn't want to be an asshole but why should I be caring for someone if obviously there was no reason to. I expressed that if I should pull back and not care for her that she should let me know immediately instead of leaving me feeling bewildered. Again she responded with some cryptic answer and I was thoroughly confused. I did not understand the game that she was playing but in giving her the benefit of the doubt, I asked to see her the next morning to clear the air before she went on her trip to Florida. At least in person, I could better gauge her reactions than the night before. We had been arguing over text message, and you should never do that. She gave me some excuse for not wanting to see me and so two days later she was gone.
Here was my logic. Something was obviously awry in her world and I assumed that it was related to that guy that started with an "h" and rhymed with chubby. Thus I couldn't press her on the matter as she would have to tell me but at the same time I couldn't let her take advantage of me so I "put my foot down." I said that I would not contact her again until she contacted me. I just earnestly expressed that I didn't like her distant act, and so if she cared for my opinion she would contact me. Every other time that she went out of town she always managed to contact me. When I didn't have a phone or hers had died once, it was through Facebook or instant messenger. Thus I reasoned that if she called or sent a text message then I would go ahead and still send her the song despite already revealing the secret. The challenge was set and I was SURE she would contact me at least once. She left on a Thursday, nothing. Friday, nothing. Saturday, nothing. Sunday, nothing. Monday, her birthday, nothing. Now my phone is a "Crackberry" so when anything occurs that relates to you in the world, a Blackberry will flash to alert you. This is what they are designed for, to always keep you connected to the world. Thus every time that my phone would flash, I would pick it up with anticipation as I was sure it was her. WRONG! Those five days, I was let down more often than Chin would have been in a room filled with other Asians. So on her birthday, after work, I had a decision to make as the clock ticked towards midnight. Do I break my word or stick to my guns? I stuck to my guns as it was the principle of the matter. So three weeks go by and I've heard nothing from her and those weeks were TERRIBLE. I felt like I had lost something and I just couldn't find it. Remember it was in the middle of winter so we were getting blitzed with snow seemingly everyday. Thus my days were in a cycle of perpetual grayness. I would wake up, and trudge to work in INCHES of snow as it had not yet been plowed. The work itself was very mundane but the music at Rite Aid was the WORST.
The songs that they played were on a loop and I swear 95% of them dealt with break up in some form or fashion. Yet these songs were not the kinds of songs that anyone would want to listen to EVER, much less when they are in that state of mind. If you're going to make me sad, at least make me want to hear the song again. Most of these songs were the opposite and made me want to rip out my ear drums. I am certain that in one dark chamber of hell, these songs are on repeat simply to torment those who appreciate good music. Not a day transpired that I didn't stop and ask, "What on earth are we listening to?!?! Shoot me and just get it over with, PLEASE!!!" Most of these songs were from the 1960's and for whatever reason a bunch of them had a quartet singing the whiniest, sappiest songs about breaking up, like a reject version of The Beach Boys. I knew people would think that I was exaggerating so I actually wrote down some of the lyrics that were bombarded, DAILY, in my head. No bullshit...1.) "They say that breaking up is hard to do..." 2.) "If there's a new love in your heart, hurt me now, get it over..." 3.) "It's raining it's pouring, my love life is boring...(after this one, I actually stopped and asked one of the customers "This is a joke right? I'm being Punked right now? No! It's an actual song!)" 4.) "When can my heart beat again, when does the pain ever end..." Once in awhile a good song would actually play like John Legend's "Ordinary People" or Angie Aparo's "Cry" and you would find me in the isles singing my heart out, like it was Sunday night karaoke at The Brown Jug. I can hold a tune now and so the customers loved it.
"Cry" by Angie Aparo
Chorus:
Could you cry a little? Lie just a little?
Pretend that you're feeling a little more pain.
I gave, now I'm wanting something in return.
So cry just a little for me
I felt like Bill Murray in a bad version of "Groundhog's Day" so I knew that I was going to go crazy if I didn't channel myself purposefully. Thus one day as I sat in front on my laptop, I was clicking through some old files when I found "Galfing.doc." It was the beginning to the guide that I had started after the fall semester of our senior year. It was about 20 thousand words at the time and so I opened it up and I LOVED what I had written. Thus I set out to complete it and this is when I realized that I couldn't just write a guide to Galfing. For people to understand, I had to write a novel. I had to tell the story of 1502 and myself. To do the story justice, I would have to backtrack and tell it from the beginning. This is where I decided to employ the "story within a story" aspect that drives the novel. On the surface level, the main character "Lucien" sets out to write the official guide to Galfing. However, underneath, you receive Lucien's tale about how he came to write those official rules. So ultimately, the story is one of personal growth. I set myself to a schedule of about 2000 words a day. At first it was difficult but the more I wrote, the more the words flowed out of me. The plan was to be finished by the time of our Easter reunion trip to Ann Arbor. I had envisioned that the novel would end at about 80 thousand words but as I kept writing, I realized that I would have to move that budget up to around 135-140k words. I poured myself into my writing as I was spurred on by the angst of missing her. As I figured it, she would go on to Italy for a year and so the next time that I would see her would be possibly years later. By then I wanted to be really successful so that I could throw it in her face. You have to understand this is how I think. Save for a physical fight, when people have hurt me over the years, my response is usually tempered. I've never had the need to cuss out your mother, or any of that other foolishness as I am sure that your mother is a nice woman. I look at it like, if I can achieve in spite of you, that speaks volumes. At that point, I never need to say another word to you. All I need to do is show up and let my confident silence do the talking. So I really believed that our next interaction would be 3 years down the line or something, so I was coming to terms with this.
April rolled around and before I knew it, it was a week before our Easter trip. That Wednesday, I had my first show down at the Bullfrog bar and grille and the promoter had wanted me to get the word out about the show. Thus throughout that day I was on Twitter, tweeting away. As my tweets are linked to my Facebook profile, she must have seen one of my tweets on Facebook and so she called me. I picked up the phone expecting that it was the promoter because the number was not saved in my phone. Side note, I do this thing where I delete numbers from my phone. It makes trying to forget someone a whole lot easier, especially when their name starts with an "A." Anytime I went into my phone, she was at the top of my contact list and this was not helping, so I deleted her number. So I am literally in my boxers as I was about to hop into the shower to prep for my show, when I picked up the phone. It was a girl on the other line and it took me about ten seconds to realize that it was her. It was April 15th, and I had not seen her since the end of January. I had not heard from her in any fashion since February 15th, and not a day went by between that period that I had not thought of her. I was at a loss for words as I really did not know what to say to her. I think I may have began the conversation with, "I don't know any Amanda's." She thought I was joking so she laughed as she continued. It had been more than 2 months since I've heard ANYTHING from her so what immediately struck me as strange was that her tone was like nothing had happened, as if she had just seen me mere hours ago. I had been SUFFERING trying to get over this girl, but I didn't query her on it. I explained why I had not wished her a happy birthday and I asked her why she couldn't simply talk to me. She explained to me that she felt that she couldn't talk to me about him. Hmm. Now I have a Michigan degree, and can "read good" from time to time, so this sounded like BULLSHIT. If our relationship began because we could talk about anything including him, what changed in February where we couldn't talk about him? However, it was her story so I didn't press it any further. We continued our conversation and before wishing me luck on my show, she told me she had bought a new car, and had been traveling all over. In fact, she had just returned from a friend's wedding in Maryland and so her exact words were, "Baltimore is fun! You should get down there sometime!" Hmm. Boys and girls, whom from 1502, that we know WELL, is from Baltimore???
"Cry" Angie Aparo
Despite both of our intentions our courtship soon turned into dating. In not wanting to over complicate an already complicated situation, we stated that we were "keeping things simple." However, this was in name only and Stev knows my view on this. If a couple is doing everything that is entailed in dating except for actually calling it dating...IT'S STILL DATING! Someone tell St. Amant (lol). We were not exclusive and I encouraged her to see other dudes. As long as when she was with me, she kept smiling, it didn't bother me. I reasoned that if she was coming out of a bad situation, and I claimed to care about her, then what would it look like if I tried to lock her down as well? I was trying to see things through her eyes and that course of action would have simply been selfish. For me, there were other possible girls in Ann Arbor but how many of those girls would I want to talk to after we hooked up? I felt like I had the total package so I didn't bother. The physical was great, but the emotional connection is why I fell for this girl. She would say things in passing that indicated that she did not know how I felt about her. So this made me more willing to open up to her but here was the caveat. Our relationship was almost in a vacuum because she was still married. Since I met her in November, she was supposed to be getting a divorce but all I knew of the situation was what she would share with me. Thus, I never pushed her on the issue. Doing so felt wrong to me because 1.) I shouldn't have been in the relationship in the first place and 2.) She was under a lot of stress and didn't need added pressure from me. Besides how do you tell someone to speed up a divorce from the love of their life without sounding like a selfish asshole? It's liken to how do you ask a girl to get an abortion? Chocolates? Roses?? All of the above??? (I PRAY I am never in this situation).
She would always try to get me to come over her house and chill and as badly as I wanted to, it felt weird. As her husband had lived with them, her family was intimately aware of everything that went down between the two of them. Thus if I was ever to "Meet the parents" (pun intended), the first thing that I would do is apologize profusely for dating their daughter. Think about it. If your daughter was dogged out by some asshole, wouldn't you want her to completely end that marriage and sever all ties with that dick before she began dating someone else? Well I was that "someone else" and without knowing me, they would not be in the wrong for assuming that I was taking advantage of their daughter. Suppose I gave in and met her family. Naturally the next step would be for her to meet my mother. You have to realize that in high school, my mother and I used to fight all of the time and though our relationship improved when I went away to school, I don't talk to her freely. I tell her what she needs to know but at the same time I don't like lying to her. So if you can follow my logic, how do I tell my mother, the ordained minister mind you, the truth about Amanda?
Despite our differences, my mother is the most important woman in the world to me. Trying to repay her for all that she's done for my siblings and I is my motivation in life. So if I met a wonderful girl, I would want my mother to know. At Amanda's house they would know her entire situation so meeting her parents would be a formality but at my house I would have to be more diplomatic about the details and this seemed unfair to my mother. (Side note, in writing my novel Galfing: A Young Man's Guide, I just realized that my high school girlfriend, Kelli, is the only girl to ever meet my mother. I don't know how I feel about this. The thing is that the next time that I move away from home will be the LAST time and I could easily leave the state of Michigan. I cannot imagine flying a girl back to meet my mother unless I was VERY serious about her. This means that if I choose to get married, the next girl to meet my mother, might be the "wifey." This is an unsettling thought. Maybe I should just bring home the worst girl imaginable. Imagine some hideous girl with ten kids by 20 different daddies, a mustache, missing teeth, a Meth addiction, one leg, outweighs me by 200 pounds, who sits at home all day watching The Home Shopping Network while drinking Burnett's Vodka. ANYONE I bring home after such a girl has to be a step up!) So full disclosure was NOT an option because as you can imagine, most mothers would question the relationship and even worse, the girl would be unfairly judged. I couldn't do that to Amanda so I decided that it would be best to keep things between us. I aired on the side of caution by telling her that "One day we would meet each others mothers." I know this bothered her as it may have seemed that I was trying to keep her at a distance but what would she have me do? We had to continue with the way things were and so we did.
We continued our tryst even taking a weekend in Ann Arbor where she met some of 1502 and the rest of the inhabitants of Hotel Arch. Remember I didn't have a phone so I had to contact Stev and my sister through her phone. That first night we went to Charley's and I ran into my friend Mychael from freshman year. Before we began to talk I introduced her her as "my girl." I remember how strange this felt to actually use the possessive in regards to her. What I had said was not a big deal but what I heard was "MY GIRL." However, if I was truly honest with myself, that's what she was. Thus after talking with my friend I looked at her and said, "You're my girl, let's cut the bullshit." Consensus from everyone that met her was that they loved her and they asked me to bring her back to our Easter trip that we were planning. One of Kenzo's friends provided a shocking moment. After overhearing Stev and I talking about Amanda at Rick's he heard the word "married" and grabbed me attentively. I do not recall his name but he had a thick Spanish accent when he spoke as I believe that he actually was from Spain. He held up his left hand to my face and said, "Marriage. Don't do it! I was married once and I thought I was in love, but then she asked for a divorce so I grabbed a kitchen knife and cutoff my ring finger and threw it at her. I told her if she didn't want my hand in marriage then NO ONE would have it!"
Remember we were at Rick's and so I was DRUNK as I listened to this monologue in a thick Spanish accent. I swear I would have thought that he was pulling a prank on me but he had his hand in my face and proceeded to wiggle the nub that now represented what was left of his ring finger. I had my drink in one hand and my jaw open in disbelief. All that I could manage in response was a nod of my head saying, "Yes sir!" Again I PRAY I never love anyone that much to cut off my own finger. People in those intense types of relationships rationalize them as being "passionate" I call BULLSHIT on that. I heard a story recently about a wife sending her husband to the ER after stabbing him multiple times. WTF?!?! If your argumentative skills consists of pulling out a weapon on your spouse you probably don't need to be in that relationship. Maybe I am too logical but I could have understood cutting off her finger, but why the hell would I want to cut off my own finger? Also, a standard kitchen knife is not as sharp as a surgical blade or a Japanese Katana. So to actually cutoff his finger meant that he took a couple saws, back and forth, and back and forth, and back and forth, and back and forth, and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth (Yes! I want you to get the image so I'm overdoing it) until the finger was severed. It was this gruesome display that was stuck in my head as I stood before him dumbfounded. At the end of the night, Amanda was liked so much that somehow the idea of a foursome with St. and Emily was proposed and I was in FULL support of this. We were at Pizza House when this was happening and I believe the two girl's even kissed just to satisfy us but there was no tongue or passion to it. The next morning she kept saying "I CAN'T believe you kept trying to get me to hook up with that girl," and all I could do was laugh. Smilez was there with Michelle, Stev was in another booth with some girls, St. was with Emily and there were various other girls that we knew at Pizza House, but I had the sexiest girl in the house. However, Emily is a sexy girl as well, so from my point of view, why WOULDN'T I want them to hookup? However the trip was a success but it was after we returned that things began to change.
We were communicating all of the time through text messages and phone calls and though we first had sex back in late November, our relationship really didn't pick up till January. This was due to the fact that we took a mini break in December that was initiated by moi. When thinks go badly, I have this habit (not sure if it is good or bad yet) of over analyzing things and seeing the world in black and white. For example, that ticket that I received the day I moved home from Ann Arbor, the city sent the details to Hotel Arch because this is where the officer made me walk my bike to. Apparently, I was supposed to appear in court and didn't know about it until after the fact, so my license was suspended. In my opinion it was bullshit because by the time that I found out, there was nothing I could do. Thus a $35 dollar ticket ended up costing just under $500 dollars in various fees. A fee that at the time, I had no way of paying due to my lack of employment. At around the same period, my phone seemingly fell harmlessly from the windowsill. However when I picked it up, I realized that the screen had been damaged because the phone was still operational but the screen was black. As I was under a family plan and the two years had run out, my mother refused to buy a new phone because she had wanted to kick me off the plan since before graduation. So let's recap what I was going through. 1.) I didn't have a license and could not drive anywhere (not that I had a car of my own). 2.) I didn't have a phone and had to resort to email, Google/Facebook/Yahoo chat, plus carrier pigeons for communication. 3.) I was unemployed. 4.) My student loan payments were due and NONE of them seemed to care that I was "employment challenged". 5.) My father was STILL across the continent criticizing my "lack of direction." 6.) The release of my next musical project, "The Graduate" was pushed back due to underfunding (In this past year, I've learned that ALOT goes into getting a song released for public enjoyment). 7.) And finally, the onset of winter meant that it was cold, and gray all of the time. This meant that I was literally trapped in the house.
I received the news that my license was suspended the day before Christmas so before my mother took her missionary trip, she sat me down and had this long, diatribe about how "irresponsible" I was, and that everything that was happening to me was a reflection of this. She was urged on by my father, but what hurt the most was that I realized how out of touch my parents were on who I was. Thus, it reinforced the idea that I couldn't depend on them. If I was going to be anything in this world then I had to make my own way. My parent's saw my unemployment as me having no direction. The ironic thing however, was that if I had secured that big job and had been paying some of these things, then I would have been the "greatest son ever." People say that money isn't everything, I say this is BULLSHIT! It's disingenuous when I hear this because life has CRUELLY taught me otherwise. Consider this analogy with sports. "Winning isn't everything!" YEA IT IS, when you didn't win. It's much easier to argue that "Winning isn't everything" as you hold the trophy in your hand. The same holds true with money. I'd argue that 95% of the decisions that we make are financially based. Thus, I've been socialized that "having money = good", "not having money = bad." Apparently, it is a character flaw to be broke, so I said, "Fuck it!" Let's go make this money. This was a major selling point in my decision to want to attend law school. Personally, I would have settled for just an MBA as I prefer business. An MBA is much cheaper to attain, however, the law degree is arguably the most versatile degree that one can receive. Plus, there's money in it! So the idea was that I would take a break from Amanda and take the test in early February and then we could pick back up. It was logical decision, if I missed her it would spur me to "study harder" or something, but I had NO IDEA how much I would miss her.
I thought of her daily but the night's were the hardest, as this was when we used to talk the most. On New Years Eve, I sent her a text message telling her that I missed her and was still thinking about her. She echoed the same sentiments. One night, during the following week, I couldn't take it anymore. I asked myself, "Why am I punishing myself as such?" If I thought of her constantly then I should be with her. If anything we could study together as she was still a student. I had this self debate for about 2 hours before picking up the house phone and calling her at around 4 am. I must have woken her from sleep as she sounded tired but it felt so relaxing simply to hear her voice. We next saw each other, the night of the Auburn/Oregon national championship game, and this is when things really picked up. We were back talking again, we would spend the day together, go out to eat, and have ALOT of intense, passionate, erotic, love making. She would even drive me around to apply for various jobs as it was winter time but I have to tell this one story that always makes me laugh. She would call me from work or school and in her cute, inquisitive tone she would ask, "What are you doing?" I would divulge what I was currently engaged in. For some reason or another she would be called away from the phone call, promising to call back when she was free. I always assumed that her being free would be in a few hours. WRONG! Minutes and sometimes seconds later, she would call back and begin with, "What are you doing?" When I first took notice of this, my response was something along the lines of "Ummm...nothing." In my mind, if you call me minutes apart, odds are that I am doing the SAME THING. I once counted the time between her phone calls and it was 23 seconds apart! I remember that phone call as I almost snapped at her like, "Look here! Why do you think that I am doing something different from mere seconds ago?" We ended that phone call and I immediately called Ray asking, "Ayo am I ignorant? Is this what people do in the real world?" He responded by simply laughing at me for a good 5 minutes. I like to think that I am charming, but "23 seconds apart charming?" Personally, I would have guessed 24 seconds, so she was close. However, I soon came to realize what was happening. I liked her and she liked me, so all we needed was a simple start and then we could engage in a marathon conversation. Thus, I quickly grew to like and appreciate her for this. She would call and expecting her to call back shortly, I would "find" things that I was doing. If I was watching TV when she first called, then the next time I would be "reading." If at first I was studying, then the next time I would be "chillen." The simplest thing was to throw out some random factoid to begin a conversation with, so I might say something like, "Wow. It's uncanny! That Barack Obama has a DEEP tan. I wonder if he's one of those African Americans?" Seriously, if you had told me a year prior that I would be doing something as "cute" as this, I would have said, "Shut up!" However, I really liked her.
In case you were wondering, my world class sarcasm developed as a coping mechanism. In order to deal with them, I had to find the humor in some of the saddest situations in my life. Now when people meet me, they might take a joke as me being an insensitive asshole. This might have bothered a younger me, as I was still trying to fit in, but now I have the mentality of "Fuck you!" Only God can judge me and I honestly feel that way, but consider this fact. I recall when I logically analyzed suicide. From religion, I had been taught that suicide would screw you for eternity (that's a pretty LONG time). Plus, there would be no resolution. The reasons that drove you to take your own life, would still exist, and the emotional burden that you would suffer your loved ones would be unfair. Thus I concluded that for me, suicide was not a viable option. However, I can empathize with how someone can reach so low a point that they believe that this is the ONLY option. I can only pray that God has mercy on such souls because I could EASILY be one of them. Now I just turned 23, college educated, and can reason with you, so one would guess that suicide is a topic that I am now mature enough to handle. Here's the kicker, when I was thinking about these things, I was 7..8..9. If you were me, growing up like this, wouldn't you want to laugh as well? The alternative was God knows what, so I laughed my ass off and pushed down such dark feelings as far as possible (Chappelle Voice: "Surprise motherfucker! Michael O's tale is not all fun and games is it?). Thus, this has been the most challenging thing about writing "Galfing: A Young Man's Guide" because I am rehashing memories that I have long tried to suppress. The fun, the drinking, the sex, that was all easy to write about, but it is the personal memories that proved to be challenging as I tend to write vividly. I would write a piece that was inspired by my family and I would have get up and take a walk. This was because my eyes would tear up, my chest would tighten, as I was back in that moment. So the mere fact that I can even write about this on a blog, shows how far I have come because the younger me would have died first before letting anyone in. Thus this is the biggest thing that I want people to take away from the novel. It's a story of personal growth.
So Amanda would lay on top of me and earnestly ask, "Michael why do you like me?" I am not sure if she was expecting some poetic, "Never has the sun risen on such a beauty," but I learned something about myself. I am driven and NEED to be successful, it's past a want. I've been scarred by what my mother has endured in regards to my father, so I've promised myself that if I am not a millionaire, I'm NOT getting married. It's written down and I am very serious about this. With that kind of mindset you can understand that success is really an obsession for me. I am going to make it big, or be in the insane asylum (so wish me luck lol). I had long assumed that people like me, meet other successful people and they do successful things together. So the revelation with Amanda was a surprise. She met me after my music started so I was just learning to be open about myself. She indicated that she didn't really know me, thus if I claimed to care about her then I had to open up to her. However, for the first time in my life, I was with a girl and wasn't ashamed about opening up. I felt like I could tell her anything and this was HUGE to me. The world is crazy enough. Your spouse should be someone that completes you, keeps you at peace, and makes you a better version of yourself. These couples that are always at each others throats and call it "love" I call it bullshit! Couples are going to fight, that's fine, and healthy in some cases, because "Make-up sex" would be just sex, if there was nothing to makeup about. However, when things escalate to putting your hands on your spouse, pulling a weapon on them, cussing them out, police being involved, etc, that is TOO MUCH! I pray that I NEVER "love" anyone that much. So when Amanda would ask, "Why do you like me?" I had one answer. I had shifted from this paradigm of "successful people" and in doing so, had realized something about myself that I had known before her. I would look up at her and say, "Because I can just be. I don't have to put on airs, or pretend and more importantly I am not ashamed of telling you who I am. I can just be with you." She never indicated if this was an adequate response, and would quietly consider what I had said, before placing her head back on my chest. In her defense, she would have had to know me to realize why this was my answer. I don't think that I had fallen in love with her, but I was steps from the precipice. So there was no doubt that in the ensuing weeks, she would learn all of these things. Thus, we continued in our tryst through the rest of January but towards the end of the month, something changed...
At that moment in time, I was still under the assumption that we could limit our connection to the emotional variety. In my mind, I could hold out for a few months until her divorce was finalized. Wrong! Looking back on it, I can see how my reasoning was the proverbial, slippery slope. If I granted that it was okay to talk to her, then it was okay to hang out with her, then it was okay to kiss her, then it was okay to REALLY kiss her, until it was finally okay to have sex with her. The fact is that the chemistry between us was electric. So any qualms that my head had about the situation, were silenced by the fact that being with her was SOOO arousing. After Thanksgiving, I told myself that I wasn't even going to kiss her till her situation worked out. I accomplished this goal for about two weeks, but then one night, as we were coming out of L George's, a Coney Island restaurant by where we live, she leaned into me and kissed me. I saw the kiss coming late, so when I moved my head to get out of the way, she was still able to catch one side of my lips. Fuck! Anyone that knows me knows that I LOVE to kiss. It's what I do, and in fact, people that can't kiss bother me. So there I was under the starry night, in the L George's parking lot, thinking, "now she's done it!" I pulled her into me and properly introduced myself, the 1502 way. My lips melted into hers and my body SCREAMED for hers, but my mind said, "NO!" We were now kissers and it was going to stay that way. We continued being kissers for a week or so, and not wanting to reveal too much from my novel "Galfing: A Young Man's Guide," I'll only divulge the first time that we hooked up (By the way, I'm getting better with these shameless plugs).
One Thursday night, we decided to go to the movies. It was right before 10 pm so it wasn't too late for a night. The movie that we ended up seeing was "The Next Three Days" with Russell Crowe. Russell Crowe's wife gets convicted of a murder and there is not enough evidence to acquit her. The plot revolved around Russell Crowe's character, plotting his wife's escape from prison. I am not sure if we had previously decided to see this film or if we chose it upon arrival. As we were paying for it, I grabbed her and passionately kissed her in front of the attendants. This drove her wild as according to her, she never kissed in public, so it was this new thing for her. Until she mentioned it, I wasn't aware I was doing anything special because at 1502, that's ALL we did. Excuse us for partying! Her and I were now kissers so anytime the desire arose, I would forcefully grab her and with my lips, tell her EXACTLY how I felt. So we were kissing and walking (this is very hard to do) to where our movie was playing. Expecting some kind of movie crowd, that would compel us to calm down, we opened the doors to find that we were alone. The aisle divided the theater in half, so we made our way halfway down the aisle, and turned left to take our seats at the end of the row. As she undid her knee length, North Face coat, I observed for the first time what she was wearing. She had this cute top, with a tight pair of jeans, that were neatly tucked into a pair of knee high, black, leather boots. She looked stunning and I pounced. I turned her around and threw her against the wall and began kissing her. Even her scent was ravishing, as I believe it was Vera Wang. Everything about her excited my five senses. Thus I was kissing her lips, her ears, her neck and it was only the start of the movie, that snapped me out of passionate craze.
We sat down to begin watching the film, but then she wanted to move to the other side of the theater. She had observed that those seats in the middle had more space between them as they were handicap accessible. We grabbed our belongings and made our way over. I sat down and she sat on top of me. At this point, she's turned on, thanks to yours truly, so she starts grinding seductively on top of me. I was talking with Stev recently and he agreed that girls knowing how to ride is becoming a lost art. As she moved alluringly on top of me, I realized that Amanda was not one of these girls. This was not her first rodeo and though I hadn't experienced it yet, I knew that she could ride with the best of them. There I was watching the movie with one eye, and observing her silhouette with the other. If there had been a thermometer near by, you could visually observe it rise, as I grew more aroused. Moments later, I had this raging erection and couldn't take it anymore. I reached both hands around her thighs and rubbed them back and forth across the inner portion. I met no resistance, so I walked my fingers up to the button and opened it. She was now tense with anticipation, and slid down to now straddle my right thigh. I walked my fingers to her zipper and deliberately, slid it down. Slowly, I opened the flaps and eased my right hand into her panties. From that position, I couldn't actually enter her so I settled for playing with her clitoris. When I found it, she let out this pleasure filled moan and so I continued, more excitedly. The theater was now filled with the sounds from the film, and her desire to muffle her squeals of delight. At one point, she was writhing so vigorously on top of me, that she had this perfect arch in her back. So I stood up and and pulled her to the ground in front of us. Like I had done when we were against the wall, I was now consumed with the desire to have her. With my mouth, I ravaged her lips, her cheeks, her neck, her hair, her ears and the top of her chest. Now on top of her, I was able to slide my fingers into her and she was squirming in ecstasy. We continued like this for an inordinate amount of time until she couldn't take it anymore. Earnestly, she looked up at me with her doe eyes. They were dripping with anticipation as she managed to say, "I want you..." I wanted nothing more but her words had managed to snap me out of my assault. The floor was cold and hard, and so it did not provide the adequate setting. Before getting up, I leaned down to kiss her and as I raised my head, I looked right and noted that the head of one of the attendants was scanning back and forth in the rectangular, door windows. I am sure that he was wondering where we were. If he had only managed to look down then he could have observed two pairs of legs sticking out into the isle. He walked away and I pulled Amanda up so that we could finish watching the movie. As we did, she grabbed my finger that had been inside her and seductively sucked on it. In that moment, I could have died a happy man. Seriously, if I had a ring in my possession, I could have proposed right there, that's how good I felt about her.
Our tryst that night was one of those things where you say, "really a movie floor?" However, after experiencing it with her, it becomes "REALLY A MOVIE FLOOR!!!" It remains, one of the most erotic experiences of my life. Maybe I am too close to it, but simply writing this was slightly arousing as it was that hot! Seriously, don't knock it till you've tried it. I highly recommend it with "Zero Chin's Up!" (Haha, that's going to be our new thing. When you dislike something you grade it on the "Chin-O-Meter"). By the way, I also recommend the "Next Three Days," at least what I saw. About a week and a half later, we ended up having sex and that was not planned as well. I would tell you about it here, but "You can't sample the milk and not expect to buy the cow!" (For the past two days, I've really wanted to use this idiom, but where in my life is this an appropriate thing to say?) To get more stories like this, you must read my novel, "Galfing: A Young Man's Guide." The character that she inspires is "Marie" and in my opinion the novel is a great read; ESPECIALLY because I wrote it. I will say this about sex with Amanda though. I put it down! I used to "SMANG" the shit out of this girl. Haha. To understand that phrase you have to watch this video on YouTube LEMME SMANG IT! One day, she could hate me to my core, but she can never deny that I used to wear her out. I tend to be a marathon runner, a fact that Stev still argues with me over. So when her and I used to hook up, she would have to stop as she would get sore. One time she actually looked at me and said, "What is wrong with you! On average, sex lasts for 8 minutes." I could only laugh. Sidenote, 8 minutes??? Has foreplay even started at 8 minutes? Secretly though, I took pleasure in this, as when I met her, her husband invented EVERYTHING including sex. CLEARLY, she was mistaken.
Individuals can come together under the most extraordinary circumstances, but as I sit here and reflect, I wonder how we arrived at this position. She was going through arguably the worst period of her young life and being at home was stymieing, as I almost felt that I could not breathe. It was a few weeks into December and I was yet to secure employment. I did receive two offers but I was told not to accept those positions as my mother was weary of commission type positions. My father, from across the world in Nigeria, saw my lack of employment as me not being "driven," "not taking things seriously" and "not having focus about the direction of my life." He got to my mother and she began talking this jazz. I was furious. He found out about my music, so his thought was that I just wanted to lay around the house and make music. Let's explore this. If I am an upcoming musician, then I am not yet making any money from my music. Yet I still have all my debt from attaining a first degree. It tends to snow in Michigan so I had to get a car. Plus, I am young and would love to go out once in a while, so what money would I have to do any of these? I had already stored my motorcycle for the winter so I was waking up everyday, applying for positions online, and then literally beating the pavement around my mothers house. What trust fund did he leave for me to enjoy this "lavish" lifestyle? I would return from hours of job hunting, and this was the shit I had to put up with, when the only reason that I was home was because he was not stepping up to his responsibilities. When my book, "Galfing: A Young Man's Guide" transitioned from a guide, into an actual novel, halfway through it, I realized that my father is the antagonist. This is not by design. It is simply where the writing took me, and I take no pride in saying it. Other sons grow up and want to be like their father, I want to be the OPPOSITE of mine. This hurts me to say, but it is what it is. So how dare he say ANYTHING about one of the 2 things that provided an escape for my troubled mind? The other was Amanda.
Our relationship would have never blossomed without communication. Naturally, I was still weary about her marital status but the more I got to know her, the more I liked. Her best trait was her heart because I could tell that she was sincere about the things that she cared about. She volunteered down at the shelter and she was going into teaching to really help the kids. Whereas I on the other hand, am the type of person that would be saying, "Umm, excuse me! We're missing a couple extra zeroes at the end of this paycheck. Fix this!" I can't help it. I am not going to live as adult, the way that I grew up; always unsure about tomorrow. If anything, this is my biggest fear/motivator as I'll DIE first before I willingly live that way. Amanda is an attractive girl, but at this point in my life, that's almost a given (hence why I am DREADING "No Pride Night" haha, more on this in a future post). She was no "Einstein" as a lot of what I would say to her would go over her head. Then YEARS later, she would tell me, "Ohhh, I get it now!" This always made laugh, so I liked her for it. However, from not knowing her in high school, she was SOO nice, and that's they way I would describe her. Plus, we had some of the best phone conversations EVER!
I would look up from a phone call that felt like 30 minutes and instead it was 4 hours long! This was mind blowing to me, as I am part of the "texting" generation. My parent's did not believe in cell phones in high school so my first cell phone was a prepaid one. Thus, I quickly learned that it was MUCH cheaper to send a 1 cent text message than spend 10 cents a minute per phone call. Simple economics. Even when my mother moved us to a family plan with ATT, she QUICKLY learned that we would never go over our minutes but she had better get the unlimited text message plan. During senior year at Michigan, I recall wanting to learn how to talk on the phone. This is because no matter how witty, there is a difference between reading someone's words, versus hearing their voice. So those marathon conversations drew me to her. We would talk about anything and everything. She would have class at 9 a.m and we would be still be talking at 8. After a long day, she would fall asleep talking to me and sometimes, I didn't want to hang up, just to hear her voice. I was starting to feel like I could tell her things that I had never told anyone, much less a girl. She would always say that I was too hard on myself but I didn't know that life afforded me any other options. For example, Kelli was my girlfriend from high school and she is the type of girl that you marry. As you can imagine no one is ready to get married at 18, but it was this fact that spurred my break up with her.
When you grow up the way that I did, the idea was to go to college and everything would be okay. Thus we were pushed to strive for the best schools, and so not getting into the ivies was one of the most disappointing times in my young life. I felt like I was letting my family down and so I shut down. I stopped playing sports, quit extracurricular activities, and broke up with Kelli. I am sure that she did not understand as you would have to know my story to understand why this was heartbreaking for me. So in doing my music, and being more open about myself, I've realized that if I don't tell my tale, people won't know. I remember on my first project, "No Spaces," I did a song called "The World Is Mine." Upon hearing it, Uzi, a fellow Nigerian from UofM, called me asking, "Wait! You were born in Nigeria?" I've known Uzi for over two years, so that question was eye opening for me. I realized that I have done such a good job of assimilating that people don't know me. I don't speak with an accent, and with whole persona of "Michael O," people don't even know I'm Nigerian, much less an immigrant; no so fresh off the boat. So this was the main reason why I fell for Amanda because for the first time in my life, I felt like I didn't have hide anything. This was huge for me, but the physical part was just as AMAZING...
From the moment that I opened my mouth, I knew that Amanda was feeling me. After you have been galfing a while, you just know a girl wants you. It is almost like a sixth sense in that you can perceive her most intimate desires without her uttering a word. It is that instant, when your eyes meet and the two of you are momentarily transported to an alternate universe, alone. Anyone who has been in this situation knows exactly what I am referring to. If you haven't, you MUST learn how to master eye contact. I talk about in my book "Galfing: A Young Man's Guide," the majority of human communication is body language. You MUST learn how to speak with your body because with the right gaze, you can capture the person that you desire, without ever saying a word. I've done it and being that it is a Sunday night, your going to have to trust that on the Lord's day, I lie less often. Sidenote, yesterday my sister graduated from the University of Michigan as well. Congratulations to her and the class of 2011 as they are now Michigan Alumni. We had family come into town to see her graduate. After the ceremony at The Big House, we came back home to eventually celebrate with her at this fancy Chinese restaurant. At around 10:30 in the evening, she was ready to return to Ann Arbor and so she asked my father to drive her back to AA. I hopped onto my bike to follow them up. I had been messaging with Cassie and according to her, her Maria and Uz were starting on Main St. I suggested to my sister that we start there and she agreed. For time's sake, I won't get into the night but we got CHOCOLATE WASTED! The interesting thing however was that I didn't get the woman that I wanted (Note the choice of words "Woman" not "girl").
For those that don't know, Main St. bars are catered for the young professionals and the older crowd. Hence why the decor is very "trendy," and even when they are watered down (another story in of itself), the drinks are SIGNIFICANTLY more expensive. The average undergrad does not frequent Main St. and downtown Ann Arbor. Moments after arriving, this woman caught my attention @RushStreet. She was in her late 40's, standing about 5'9", a great smile, with a voluptuous body. She had long blond hair that ended in bangs that stopped just short of her eyes. I don't know why but bangs excite me. When I see a girl with bangs, it is almost as if she is "peeking" at me from her window, as I am standing outside it, trying to steal her into the night; without waking her father. Shortly after arriving @RushStreet, my sister and I ordered overpriced drinks and found Cassie and Maria sitting at the end of a bar. Introductions were made and we began enjoying our night. I was standing at the end of the bar so directly to the left of me was one of the booths where I noticed this woman. She was seated at the center position of the "U" and with a tilt of my head leftward, she was in direct view. I first noticed her smile and said, "Ohhh!" She could have been smiling at anything so I continued mingling with our group and taking shots of tequila, four at a time. This was my sisters doing as she was CLEARLY trying to get fucked up. Kids these days, you have to pace yourself when assaulting your liver but you only graduate once so I was said, "Fuck it!" The night progressed with the music blaring, the shot girls walking back and forth and people dancing as we were right at the edge of the dancing area. However, every time that I would tilt my head to the left this woman was smiling and "peeking" at yours truly. I wanted her. So she gets up to walk somewhere and as she walks by with her head tilted towards me, our eyes locked. From the sparks that flew, I wished it were our lips. We held this gaze as she did not even look at where she was going, until she was past me. Rush Street was packed but in that moment, we were alone. I was hooked and decided to do act. I kept drinking and mingling with our group, patiently awaiting her return.
About half an hour later, she eventually returned and by this time Uz and his two boys had joined us at the bar. I was talking to Uz when the woman returned and stood with her back to me in front of her booth. I don't know how I missed this but at that moment, I noticed this older gentleman that she was talking to. Up until that moment I had only noticed the other woman that she was talking to so I assumed that this guy must have been her husband. I could not let this revelation deter me. The woman and I had shared a moment! Besides, fortune favors the bold. At this point, I'm buzzing on alcohol and without a thought, I walked up beside the woman and placed my right hand on her lower back. With my other hand, I grabbed the attention of the man as I pointed to the woman and said, "Excuse me sir? Is this your wife?" He confirmed what I had already assumed so I continued. "You NEED to hang on to her and take her home tonight or I WILL! This woman is absolutely ravishing!" I looked at her face as she lit up. Her already stunning smile was even wider now and so I am sure that I had made her night. The husband lets out a small chuckle and agreed emphatically. He stretched his hands out to introduce himself to me and instructed me to come back to the booth for free drinks whenever I wanted. In hindsight, you shouldn't make it a habit to speak freely to another man's wife but she was worth it. Ultimately, what I said was a compliment so it worked out. It wasn't like I told him, "Excuse me! Do you have a permit for this animal?" This woman was beautiful and our "moment" held so true with me that in regards to other girls, the night was ruined. If I couldn't have her, then I didn't want anyone else. Flashback to the night before Thanksgiving and it was with this same passion that Amanda was gazing at me. I took a seat next to her and began our first, live conversation. I couldn't act on the signs I was reading because I was inexperienced with the situation. Every time I would look into her eyes, staring so seductively back at me, the thought kept flashing in my head, over and over again. "Married...Married...Married." I couldn't shake it, so I decided to feel the situation out and be more reserved than I usually am.
What compounded the situation was that up until that night, I assumed that her separation had happened months before. Wrong! I quickly learned that her husband had literally walked out on her the week before. :::Cricket:::Cricket:::Cricket. I had not been home in years so I was none the wiser, but the rest of Clarenceville High that I did not talk to must have known this fact. The tension was that thick, as the looks that were being directed back at Amanda and I, were not of the approving variety. Fuck those people. Looking back on it, I probably was the perfect choice to be seated besides Amanda that night because I never fit in at Clarenceville. I could careless about what they thought of me but the plot had THICKENED. In my mind, I was wondering, "Am I allowed to be here?" Technically she was still married as a separation has no legal recognition in the state of Michigan. I would know as "Separation" was one of my parent's favorite games to play in my childhood. I composed myself enough to talk to her, as I had not seen her in years. She was one year ahead of me in high school and outside of a Pre-calculus class, we never talked. I was essentially meeting her for the first time. This is how I chose to view it and so I played it cool. I am sure that she thought that I was shy or something but my mind was consumed with only one thought. "Married...Married...Married." She wanted to dance and sarcastically, I told her that I wasn't as "young as I used to be." A lap dance was proposed and I put a stop to this. Due to the flirting, there were OBVIOUS sparks, and moments later, she began feeling my abs. As I guided her soft hand up and down against my stomach, I grew fiercely erect. I utterly desired something that I shouldn't and this thought weighed heavy. I managed to persevere but wouldn't you know it, at the end of the night, she asked me to drive her home. She had been "drinking" (if one and a half drinks qualifies). ANY OTHER GIRL and it would have been on! Let's put it this way. If she was trying NOT to hook up with me, she was failing MISERABLY! All the signs were there. I teased her on being a lightweight but then obliged to drive her home. When we arrived at her house, we sat in the car and talked for a moment. The conversation ended and I bluntly told her that I had to kick her out of the car. So in that moment where you embrace before parting ways, I made it a point to offer the side of my cheek. You have to understand, for me, this was a FIRST in regards to a girl that I actually found attractive. She told me that I was a "good guy" as she opened the car door and stepped into the rain. I waited for her to enter her house before backing out of her driveway to return home. On the drive back I remember thinking "This is wrong!" I promised myself that I would not do ANYTHING with this girl until her divorce was finalized. I failed...
