I always had the ability to make her laugh and over the ensuing days, when she would call, I couldn't find the words to even speak to her (I'm writing a fucking book! Galfing: A Young Man's Guide (shameless plug). This is irony at it's finest. It felt so surreal to go from "This is the girl for me," to "Who are you?" A few weeks after, I was at the library studying and she kept calling and sending urgent messages that "We needed to talk!" It was funny to me like, "Oh NOW we need to talk!" The gist of it was that she was upset that I had blogged about her and she felt disrespected that her business was "out there" and to be honest I can understand that point. However, on the flip side it was like "Oh YOU feel disrespected! Excuse me, I'm sorry, where do I send the gift basket?" Ask Stev, when I found out, I wanted to rip out everything about the character that she inspired, as I was that livid. It was bad enough that I had to constantly think about these things, but writing about them was NOT fun! However, I will soon be at the point of submitting my manuscript to agents and publishers. One of the first things that these people want to know is who I am and more importantly gauge a sense of my writing, basically I am worth their time. One of the things that I would have done differently about my undergrad career is write for the Michigan Daily or Every Three Weekly because in high school, I won awards at the state competition MIPA (I believe that they are called) for my journalism during junior and senior year. Thus for the literary agents, it was either dig out papers from "Bio 101" or start blogging. This was my foremost motivation in starting this blog and of course keeping up with my friends as we are all spread out. Even if I was still with her, I would have written about her as I was telling MY story. In that scenario, I could have possibly changed her name or something but why didn't I get her consultation again? OH YEA! We weren't fucking talking, as she was too busy dealing with her husband, trying to get at my boy, and finding other guys...
Before Amanda, the last girl that I seriously cared for was Kelli. Last Sunday, I discovered that she was proposed to. The night before, Chin and I had been at his boy's wedding and the whole time I was saying, "I've been to literally four weddings in the last month and none of them were over the age of 25! Why is everyone getting married SOO young?" Ray was with me and I was still in a suit as I hadn't gone home yet, when Val (a younger friend from high school), told us that my girl that "got away" was proposed to. It stung with irony. At 1502, I accidentally found our prom DVD as Kelli was my date and Ray was with his date. I tell Ray that in high school, he was THE MAN, and I was barely learning to walk, so as I watched the DVD I couldn't believe that I could be so lucky to have been with this girl. Imagine this scene. With the music going, Ray was driving and his date was in the passenger seat. I was behind her and Kelli was to the left of me in this white dress with black, floral patterning. I was holding the camcorder up to her face and she is blushing, because I am egging on for the camera. The sun was setting and from her vantage point, a beam of light shone through the window and illuminated her. She was entirely beautiful. A curl of her brunette hair fell to her eyes, and I remember reaching out and brushing it aside. As I watched the DVD screen, I reached for her hair in the same motion as I was trapped in that moment from four years prior. She was that gorgeous and she was with me! This is the story behind my song, "Oh Baby" from my first project "No Spaces." Listening to it now, it is raw and amateurish as I did it from my MacBook but the emotion is there. However, one of the reasons I broke up with Kelli was that I was going away to school and she is very endearing so I knew that she would always be in Ann Arbor and I wouldn't always be home and so I thought that it would be unfair to her. However, the hubby to be, went to fucking eastern michigan university. Are you kidding me? That's 15 minutes down the road from Michigan. Irony is a bitch! I swear any other school and I wouldn't have cared because she had other dudes over the years and it never crossed my mind.(Ironic side note, I go to get this prom pic from Facebook and I discovered that she must have de-friended me! I laughed for a good 5 minutes!! Here I am waxing poetically about her and we weren't even FB friends, guess I shouldn't hold out for a wedding invitation huh LOL!)
The Sunday after Adriana's birthday(which I STILL have to blog about), Ray and I met these two waitresses at their family restaurant. There was a blond wo was OBVIOUSLY young(16) and feisty as she is going to be a handful when she gets older. However, the older sister was very reserved and almost elegant. I discovered that she was a dancer and had won competitions. So I asked her if she could Dougie and she told me "Yes!" Ray and I spent about 4 hours at this restaurant and the whole time, I was trying to get her to Dougie for me as I had never met a "white girl" that could Dougie. She looked at me and was like, "I'm not white I'm Albanian!" Ironically enough, her name is Amanda as well, and Ray was teasing me like, "Nope! Can't trust her!" However, since that Sunday we BBM once in awhile and so her family restaurant is where Ray and I met up when I left from the wedding on Sunday morning. So Amanda #2 and I are on BBM and I told her about Kelli. During the chat she sent something like, "I can tell that your hurt by this." It was almost disarming, because I had no witty comeback, as I believe that all I managed was "Shhh! Real Men don't get hurt." However, I had to face the truth, which made no logical sense to me. Kelli and I never had sex and she had other guys that I never thought about and I had my share of girls since her. However, the revelation about Kelli, weighed on me the entire day and as I was thinking about it, it was almost as if, the entire thing with Amanda #1 never even happened. It was as if I had seen it in a movie or something. I wanted to call Kelli because the night of Adriana's birthday, her and her friends came up to Ann Arbor and were even at Charley's and Ricks with Ray and I. That night, I had meant to talk to her because it had been years since I had seen her, but I was TOO DRUNK and never got the chance. So as I sat in my room last Sunday, I wanted to call to wish congratulations. Kelli was part of this weird home schooling sect that home schooled all of their children, and so by now all of the daughters are either married or engaged. Kelli's twin sister was married in high school so knowing her, I knew that she would be ecstatic at the proposal, even if it came from the garbage man. However, I didn't know if I could call her, I didn't know if I should, and I didn't know if it would look like I had sour grapes. I never had her number as an undergrad because I never wanted to call her in a drunken stupor and say something stupid, so I asked Ray's opinion and he suggested that I should call her. He sent me her number and I did. It went to voice mail and I wished her congratulations and God's blessing because I was truly happy for her, even if she was marrying EMU guy. She sent me a message thanking me and the strangest thing happened. I felt GREAT! It was almost like I had closure to the situation, compared to how I was feeling a mere 10 minutes prior. I expected the opposite and so it was almost ironic, and this brings me to the conclusion.
|Sassy little sister on the left|
|Amanda#2 Beautiful girl. Not sure if I have the time to pursue her|
I was talking with Ray recently and the conversation was that life is too short, why settle for an average girl? There is nothing average about me, and my dreams are not average so my next girlfriend is going to BAD!!! as I won't settle for anything less. It's not just about looks because there are A LOT of good looking idiots out there. What I'm talking about is the drive and desire to know their goals and working towards the steps to achieve them. I was wondering what it would be like meeting women outside of the "Michigan college bubble." The majority of them have given me pause. I don't want to be that "snobby" "educated" guy but SHIT I gotta put my foot down. Here's two girls I've recently met. Each thought that they had a chance at dating me, I DON'T know why. Girl #1.) She's a bit older, meets me and starts chatting me up. She's not attractive enough for me to pursue her but the conversation is going well and she seemed cool enough. Apparently her boyfriend had cheated on her and she was on the rebound. Somewhere along the lines, she says, "Just so you know, my boyfriend is in jail." WHAT??? "I'm sorry I didn't hear you. Your boyfriend is where?" "Yea. It was after his first four and half years that he did it. He got out and cheated on me." She is saying all of this casually as if she were telling me the time or the weather. In my mind, I'm like, Is she fucking serious right now? He cheated AFTER his first four and half years, so what he is on his second or third term? I am NOT about to catch a bullet on account of this random chick. She kept talking while I had this internal dialogue and so I had to stop her. The conversation ended with me saying, "Just so you know...BYE!" I got up and left.
Girl #2.) MUCH more attractive and I meet at the bar during dollar beer night. She was on a date but kept coming over to dance with me. I teased her on this fact because her date was that lame guy that would follow her the entire night and hang a few yards away like he was on timeout. We flirted the entire night and somewhere along the lines, I discovered that she has a four year old. This girl is BARELY 21 so that raised an eyebrow...HMM. Later in the night, her ex boyfriend shows up and gets into a fight with her date and this big commotion erupts in the bar. When I later run into her I look at her and say, "I'm sorry but, WHERE is your son?" He was home with her parents. At the end of the night she gets my number, because I was NOT going to ask for hers. Last week, she starts flirting and even invites me to a Tigers baseball game. I consider it because baseball games are fun with the right people. However, about 30 minutes before the game starts, she indicates that her baby daddy was now being a "douchyr" and her son had to come along. I PROMPTLY went to the library to study. There is nothing wrong with single moms but the first time that you hangout you should NOT meet their children. It's unfair to the kids as the only time that a mom should introduce a date to her kids is if she gets really serious with them. NOTHING about how she would text me was serious. It was entirely sexual and explicit. So last night before she went to work she asks, "Where we banging tonight, I'm SOO horny!" Ray is leaving next week for his internship so I was at his house till 2 in the morning. So the entire night, Girl #2 is trying to get me to come see her at her job, so that presumably we would "bang" afterward. However, Ray is my brother from another, so I didn't leave and somewhere along the night she sends this text, "Are you interested in a relationship?" "WITH WHO???" My head was on such a swivel that you would have thought that I was a bobble head. Yesterday, she was trying to get me over to her house, while her parents weren't there, probably to fold laundry. So had I been more desperate, I would have easily hooked up with this girl. I could have lied to her, but I told her like I would tell my sisters. I told her that if she was serious about a relationship then she had to tone down the sexuality because A LOT of these lame dudes will tell her what she wants to hear just to have sex with her. She kind of got mad at me and told me there was no need to play the "daddy" role. Sarcastically, I responded with "There you go, already calling me daddy, you have a problem, you need to stop!" I looked up at Ray and said, "What the FUCK is wrong with these girls?" Ray just ended his relationship with the girl that I thought he would marry as she "wasn't what we thought she was." He echoed the same sentiments. It's like if I hit these girls with some of the shit that I've heard and seen, I would be a lame, asshole, jerk, loser, etc but YET it's acceptable for these girls to behave this way? Thus the foot is down! From here on out, I'm ONLY getting serious with classy, driven, and career oriented women. If you don't know what an IPO is, Michael O is NOT interested! Due to Amanda #1, just when I thought that my type of girls, were not limited to the educated, and career oriented, the "real world" has AFFIRMED that this is ALL I need to be limited to. Irony is truly a bitch!
However, a thought crossed my mind after Kelli had contacted me. When good things occur, people are ALWAYS quick to say, "it was meant to be," "this was the only way!" However when bad things occur, the rhetoric quickly morphs to "it's unfortunate," "woe is me." I argue that if good things can be destined then so can bad. However it is what you do with the bad that is a true test of your character. Logically, I would never choose to grow up the way that I did or loose Kelli and Amanda. However, growing up the way that I did, is what has given me this poignant edge to my writing and music. Loosing Kelli, inspired one of the first songs that I ever wrote as I started down this music path. So it begs the question, what if all of these things were SUPPOSED to happen. If I am to one day become successful and achieve all of my goals then as ironic as it sounds, I can only look back and be thankful for growing up the way that I did, for loosing Kelli, and for Amanda. However I BETTER make it or else, this last paragraph will be ironic AGAIN!