Wednesday, August 3, 2011

One Cold, Wet, Miserable Night in Cass/Craig(actually just realized their names both start with "c")

          Spent the wet and miserable night with Cass and Craig and WOW! She is really lighting up with this whole first BF jazz but I'm loving it. I told him out of all of the "volleyball guys" of hers that we've met, he seems the most interesting and (straight for that matter), but if first impressions are anything he seems like a really cool dude. I would like to say that he is like 4'11", Mexican, hates granola, and is a terrible setter but that would mean Cass has stopped using her "shopping list" of traits when choosing a mate. However he is volleyball tall and appears to have had many an affair with a Spalding or Wilson or even a Tachikara however he seemed liked a dude you could actually hang out with when the last ball is spiked. We discussed some of my novel Galfing: A Young Man's Guide" and Cass is vehemently opposed to him reading it which I find hilarious. She doesn't wanna come off as "dumb" and this is a valid point but as I explained it's not a biography on her life. The stories inspired from her are hilarious references for storytelling purposes so personally having watched Cass go from a twinkly eyed virgin, to seriously liking her first boy, to now having her first boyfriend, I can say she has grown ALOT so if I were to ever write "Galfing 2: The Return Of Jaffar" (1502 inside joke) then naturally she and all of us would be more mature.

          I brought over a bottle of Moscato and we  sat around in their SUB ZERO AC and laughed and told stories. Craig really wanted to know about some points of "Galfing" and like I tend to do I brought up the "Nice Guy vs. Nice Person" debate. You DON'T want to be the "nice guy" but when you say that people who don't understand the concept RUN for hills and start debating. I know these things because I used to be that "nice guy" and in not wanting to take too much away from the book I'll illustrate with an example from a month ago. I met a girl at dollar beer night at this bar near where I live. She was in this white dress and stilletos and she had a PHAT ASS (I'm an ass man). Sensually, we danced the night away and when I saw the sign, I leaned in to kiss her and she FREAKED and turned away. That threw me off, but I calmy waited for about 30 seconds then leaned in to kiss her again and again, she turned away. I was thinking "WTF" because she was tense, biting her lips, etc, according to the signs, she WANTED to be kissed. Reassured by this, I remained calm and told her "I'm not going anywhere" and by the third time I leaned in to kiss her, she literally threw her hands up and "gave up" this internal struggle of hers and kissed me. The moral is the "nice Michael" couldn't have accomplished that because the fear of rejection would have been to great to overcome, thus galfers are NOT "nice guys." See I want you to be a nice person because their is nothing wrong with that but being that "nice guy" or "nice girl" more than likely WON'T get you the person you desire and this is the whole spirit of "Galfing." Galfers DON'T settle! Cass' first point was some skewed, Darwinian natural selection argument that boiled down to "if a boy is lame and girl is lame, then they need to be lame together" and I found this amusing and so did Craig. Cass' additional was that she didn't want people learning my "little tricks and playing games." I laughed and understood her point again but here is the flaw. OF COURSE no one desires someone playing games with their emotions, but that's not what "Galfing" is about. Consider this, when a guy meets a girl and they flirt and laugh and tease, etc are they conducting research? NO! They're "playing" to see if they like each other so they should never be game players but they are playing a game (Paradoxical No?). Consider this other point, I once stated "I would NEVER pay for sex!" but then a certain girl suggested, when you meet a girl and take her out and spend money on her, that money doesn't "magically" return to your bank account. So in a way, you're still paying for sex because why take a girl out if you don't intend to sleep with her? Whether your intent is for one night or for her to birth your children, you still want to sleep with her if you date her and so abstractly, you're paying for sex. It's all about perception and when you truly consider it, life offers many paradoxes like this. Thus those who better master the rules of the game that is "Boy meets girl" have the best chance of ending up with the person they wanted.

          Craig also offered another important inquiry, "When does "Galfing" end?" I had never been asked this, so I pondered it and replied, "It doesn't!" His question was born out of genuine curiosity but it comes out of a lack of understanding, thinking that "Galfing" is a game for tricking people, when instead "Galfing" is a lifestyle. Consider one of the earlier rules of "Galfing" "You Must Become More Self Confident"(This is EXACTLY how I wrote it in the book). Confidence is great when "boy meets girl" but it is equally as great in real life. If you're more confident, you're going to get that job interview, you're going to ace that test, you're going to set your goals and achieve them, etc. How is this a bad thing? So in returning to "boy meets girl" and answering Craigs question, "Galfing" should never "end." Everyone knows that there is there is that "honeymoon period" when you first meet someone where you SWEAR they are God's gift to everything (If you don't know then you are either a virgin or HIGHLY socially inexperienced). That's why they say that you really DON'T know someone till after months of being with them because this is when they are  they're their true self and not solely trying to impress you. However, when that honeymoon period ends is a critical time because many couples fall into complacency and this KILLS relationships. I'll illustrate with marriage because people still view this as the epitome of love that we should all strive for. Why would you want to be in a Multi-year marriage where you don't laugh, kiss, fuck, tease, flirt, etc like you did when your relationship was new? NO ONE does and this is a contributing factor to why the country's divorce rate are about to dip below 50%. The honeymoon ends and sadly many couples realize "Oh shit! I CANNOT bang with motherfucker anymore!" Thus whether you want someone for one night, one year or 80, you MUST strive to treat them like the first time you met them, lest you like being in a loveless relationship. So Craig, this is what "Galfing" is about and you would do well to remember it.

          In closing, that girl in the white dress turned out to be a volleyball player for some school in Arkansas. She told me the night we met, but I was GONE so I went home and passed out. The next morning I had something like 5 missed texts and calls from her. Thus hungover I returned her call and she kept apologizing profusely. I was confused so I asked, "Did something happen?" Her: "I'm just so SOO sorry, I'm not usually like that!" Me: "What are you talking about what are you sorry for?" Her: "You know, for what we did not the dance floor, I'm NOT usually like that!" Me(really confused): "We kissed on the dance floor..." Her: "Yea, I'm not usually like that, I don't want you to think I'm a whore!" I EXPLODED in laughter like this girl cannot be serious, this is what she is apologizing for? Thus I returned "It's fine, I don't think you're a whore, if we fucked on the dance floor, then that's open for debate!" Thus during our ensuing conversations and texts is when she reminded me of the volleyball thing. I was like "Oh cool, I know some volleyball people." But it was when she added that her club team in Michigan was "M Juniors," that I was given pause. So you know my next question right? "Do you know Cassie???" Hilarious!...............Meeting Craig and talking with a few people, there is REALLY a desire from people not in 1502 to read "Galfing: A Young Man's Guide." Craig, Adriana, etc, and honestly I don't mind but I may have stumbled onto something. Do you realize how Google Plus and Facebook grew their initial buzz? They made their service exclusive to a select group of people and grew demand thus when they finally opened up, EVERYONE wanted to get in (This is what Facebook did, Google is still on the select stage). Think about it, the coolest thing about Rick's is the neon sign. However, when you see that line around the corner and down the street, you HAVE to be in there. Thus I may have to limit the people I send "Galfing" to and make them want it like crack!

"Craig & Cassie sitting in a Honda, getting a lil frisky they do they Jane Fonda..."


  1. I like the idea of a select few getting access to "Galfing: A Young Man's Guide." Sort of like my blog being an invitation only read... except I'm still waiting for people to want to actually read it. Damn.

    I do think Craig posed an interesting question. Certainly none of us have reached the point yet, but is there a time when galfing ends? I know your immediate response was no, but I do think that is cause for a debate.

    For example, you mention marriage and the post-honeymoon phase resulting in high divorce rates. What if the reason for the high divorce rates was an immediate result of continued galfing after taking your vows to someone else? They say the grass is always greener on the other side. People in marriage (specifically the post-honeymoon phase) probably come in contact with a lot of people that they would rather be with than their current spouse. Only because to them the person they aren't married to is that greener grass on the other side.

    If we remove the possibility of galfing after marriage; remove the entire flirtatious opportunity after marriage, do people still have high divorce rates? If you can't see the greener grass, do you still desire it?

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  3. Haha, that has to be a SHITTY day when you realize the person you just married isn't shit, but marriage is not what it used to be 20-30 years ago so even if you removed "flirtatious" opportunity marriage would still be under fire because these aren't the 1950's. Women aren't just at home "chained" to their husbands so there are many social/economic factors that still threaten marriage but I still contend that Galfing shouldn't end because you galf with your partner. The grass being on the other side or not is irrelevant because a relationship is a commitment (better and worse, etc in the case of marriage). I'd hate to be in a world where couples waited around till they could "upgrade" their spouse thus I'll NEVER advocate cheating or behavior that results in cheating so if you're a newlywed and your still out there philandering, you DON'T need to be married. What I'm saying is after that honeymoon period ends, more couples should "date" each other rather than fall into a routine. You know how you are when you first meet a girl, my argument is that longtime couples should work at maintaining some resemblance of this because once you take your partner for granted because you feel you already "have them" is when many relationships begin to falter.