Tuesday, May 24, 2011

"Easter Weekend: The Last Hoorah: (Saturday)"

          Saturday was a buffet of adventure. Stev and I awoke at Serah's place and though our clothes were soaked from the previous night's downpour, we declined Serah's offer to drive us back to Hotel Arch as it was merely two blocks away. Besides, the sun was shining so it just seemed like walking weather. I am sure that I am not the first male to harp on this but there is something very poetic about getting laid. Correction. There is something poetic about awaking from a great lay, the sun seems to shine more intently, the birds seem to sing sweeter songs and everything seems possible. It's an interesting phenomenon, that begs a psychological explanation because surely the world has not changed a bit, simply your post, climactic view of it. During that walk back to Arch, Stev and I discussed various points of interest including my apparent ability to generate mini earthquakes (lol. It had been a LONG time coming). We quickly arrived at Hotel Arch and within 20 minutes, our merry band of brothers had gathered. In my quest to end my drought the night before, Chin and Andre had joined us at Rick's but it was after 1 am. CLEARLY, my mind was set on one goal so I did not have a seething desire to reacquaint with them then. Shit, my mother could have been at Rick's after 1 am and I would have no desire to reacquaint with her; but then again, I would have NO desire to reacquaint with my mother ANY NIGHT at Rick's. It's not that kind of place. Thus I caught up with Andre and Chin, again, and shortly after, Cass, Stev, Sweeny and I joined them to begin our day of adventure. As we did a lot and my memory is fading from nearly four weeks back (reasons to be a prompt blogger), I will simply attempt to list where we went and some notable moments. 

          Our first stop was Kroger as Chin and Sweeny had to pick up their ingredients for the sangria competition. We piled into Cassie's car and made our way down State St to the grocery store to gather. The funniest thing happened as we were heading for the checkout. I was observing the deli chicken, that sustained me through most of senior year (insert black joke here), when Stev said, "Look! Shape Ups!" What!!! I turned to my left to observe the silhouette of a girl in jogging clothes that I had not taken notice off earlier as she was attractive challenged. I looked down at her feet and indeed she was wearing "Skecher's Shape Ups!" For MONTHS, my TV has been bombarded with those damn commercials about soccer moms, and former athletes WELL past their glory, all regaining their form because they were wearing Shape Ups. There was even that sultry,  Superbowl commercial featuring Kim Kardashian, to induce people to buy the damn shoes. I doubted that the shoes worked as well as advertised but the commercials were EVERYWHERE. Yet, I had failed to actually meet someone who owned a pair in real life. Thus in my excitement at actually seeing them in use I shouted out, "Shape Ups!" Imagine if someone tells you that to your left is Sasquatch, or a UFO, or nowadays Matthew Wheeler, your gonna turn and look excitedly! Apparently, no one understood this fact as they quickly shouted out, "No Mike!" However, it was too late as the girl had already heard me. She stopped walking and turned around to stand unattractively sassy, in front of us saying, "Really? Really? Really? We're REALLY gonna go there?" I was lost as I couldn't help but think, "Go where bitch? I actually liked your shoes." Thus, I couldn't help but force back a laughter as I was truly about to give her a compliment before she took it the wrong way. She struck me as that girl in school who was teased with nicknames like "Melancholy Mary," or "Smelly Suzy," so now as a young adult, she took every apparent slight as a reason to now stand up for herself. Well, here's to you "Dirty Deidre," you go girl! It was really funny and life is like that sometimes, you can be an apparent ass when it wasn't your intention but 1502 should have known better. All I said was, "Shape Ups!" Thus for the rest of the weekend, it became a running joke that if you see someone with Shape Ups, DON'T call them out.

          After returning to Hotel Arch, Sweeny and Chin concocted their sangria's and placed them in the fridge to chill, then the group made our way over to Dominick's to begin drinking. It was sometime after 9 am when we arrived and so they were literally opening up as the six of us walked into the doors. Situated across from the business and law schools, Dominick's is truly the "older" bar on central campus as no underage drinkers are EVER allowed there. This was a comforting fact since Rick's had now lost this virtue. We walked up to the counter and place an order for 3 "Constant Buzz" drinks. They were red in color, and contained a smoothie like consistency but the draw was that they came in huge, mason jars. We decided that we would split one drink between two people. We made our way to the back and sat at one of the picnic tables to get our buzz on. As we were laughing and sharing stories and discussing our plans for the day, Sweeny looks at his drink then up at the group and shouts out, "Guys! It's about to be 10 am and we're NOT even drunk yet!" Everyone looked at him and laughed at the outburst. You have to LOVE my friends. Not being drunk at 10 am was reason enough to lament. We continued as such and nearing the bottom of our drinks everyone, except for Andre, echoed the sentiments that we were not feeling the drink. Shit at $22 dollars a pop, there was nothing "constant" or "buzzing" about them. A better label would have been, "It's-possible-but-don't-hold-your-breath buzz." However, we were in too good a mood and finished our drinks before beginning the walk back to Hotel Arch. We had decided to go observe the track meet over in Ypsilanti at Eastern Michigan University, so the plan was to stock up on mixed drinks. In case you we're unaware, after watching your friend perform, there is NOTHING do at a track meet, so it's NOT on the list of things to do on a first date. Thus we needed the liquid courage to sit through it. We filled the containers and the six of us piled into Chin's compact sedan (Not Recommended), to make our way over to Eastern.

           As expected, we watched maybe 2 races at the track meet and the rest of the time was spent talking with old friends, drinking and playing games. A favorite was to pick who would come in last, during a given race. The only stipulation was that you could not pick a Wolverine as that is un-American. Go Blue!!! However, imagine the agony of picking a runner that you were SURE looked the part of a snail. I'm talking about the person with the headband, tight shorts, and knee high socks that looked like they were something out of "That 70's Show." The race would begin and surely they would be somewhere in the back of the pack but then somehow, by divine intervention, they would gain some miraculous kick on the last leg of the race and end up somewhere in the front! The first time I played this game, my guy actually won the damn race and I was MAD!!! I can laugh now, but it seriously adds another dimension of drama that is entirely lacking in track. Sometime after, my mother called and indicated that the whole family was coming up to Ann Arbor to have a birthday dinner with me. She also had to buy my sister somethings for her graduation in a week, thus she wanted to make a day of it. I told her that I was at the track meet but that she should call whenever she reached AA. The group then decided to head over to Sidetracks restaurant as according to St. Amant, they had the "Best Burger In Michigan." Sweeny REALLY wanted to try it so with such a lofty reputation, it seemed an appropriate place for lunch. Personally, I would have held out for the place with the "Best Burger In The World" but times are tough, I get it. Before leaving, we ran into Porter, an ex Wolverine track star who was now training in AA. He was Stan's, Stev's older brother, year so, he was a few years older than me and I didn't really get to know him. However, every time that I had met him, he was exactly as advertised. He was set to marry Tiffany, another track star, in about two weeks so he talked to Stev about his family coming and such. When he got to Andre he looked at him and asked, "Where you been at? I would have sent you an invitation but you don't get back at me on Facebook. (Andre has been known to be flaky, more on this later)" The conversation proceeded before Porter told the entire group a story that made us laugh. He began with, "I've always said. There are 3 types of niggas in this world! 1.) Braylon Edwards, future NFL star so he got girls because groupies love football players and that whole swag. 2.) Michael Whitehead, not quite the star power of a Braylon but he oozed with charisma and would hit anything that walks so he did quite WELL for himself. 3.) And Andre Barnes. He didn't have the swag of a Braylon, or the charm of a Whitehead so when you heard that he messed with a girl you were like, "What???" It was too funny as Andre was trying to downplay it while the entire group was laughing. Porter finished by asking him, "Get at me on Facebook, early enough to make your RSVP and are you bringing a date?" Andre responded with a no. So as I was sitting next to Dre I looked at him and said, "Ayo bring me if you don't get a date." Since I had met Stev and his brother, I had heard about this ensuing wedding between Porter/Tiffany that would inevitably result in them birthing ridiculously muscular and talented children, who would go on to take over the world. I had heard about this wedding for almost 3 years so I wanted to go and Dre said that he would arrange it. He wanted to watch the rest of the track meet, thus Cass, Chin, Stev, Sweeny and I piled our way back into Chin's car to drive over to Sidetrack's. 

          We arrived at Sidetrack's and wouldn't you know it, it was located beside train tracks so they person that named it must have thought he or she was very clever. We sat outside on the patio and ordered our drinks and kept carrying on. I didn't want to eat heavy as I was eating with my family later so after the waitress told us that their chili was a champion winning chili at some cook off, I ordered it. The group ordered our drinks and they arrived as we talked and waited for our food. Side note, we learned that Chin knew about Stev galfing with Whitney! Whitney was this sweet girl that would bake us cakes and other delights and she was REALLY feeling Chin. However, he spurned her for that girl whose name rhymes with "busy." Let me set the record straight. It's not that I don't like "busy" it was just that she was very young to me and seemed "boy crazy" except for my boy, Chin. The first time that I met this girl, she literally burst through the front door at 1502, screaming, "Where's the Utah Jazz game?!?!" (She's from Utah). She then proceeded to grab our remote and change to the Utah fucking Jazz game. 1.) I already don't like the Utah Jazz for those two assholes, Stockton and Malone, trying to prevent his "Airness, Michael Jordan" from winning those two championships. 2.) Who the fuck is actually from Utah? Thus I was like, "Who is this bitch, and PLEASE escort her from my house before I have to." However, I found out that she was the apparent apple of Chin's eye so I bit my tougue. Also, if you know me, you know that I have a thing for older women. I can meet two girls of equal attractiveness and I will choose one, simply because she is older than I. Whitney was in grad school and "busy" was this doe eyed freshman. To me it was "No Brainer." Besides, I never recived a cupcake from "busy" and what's the way to a man's heart? Thus it was annoying to watch Chin, chase this little girl, when grown and sexy Whitney was ready and willing. Apparently, "busy" is a nice girl when you get to know her but I never got the opportunity to do so. Side note, I'm the type of person that if I don't like you then I write you off. This is because I HATE being fake or two faced. Believe it or not, I was not always "Michael O." After moving to the States in the late 90's, we moved around a lot so I was always the "new kid." I always felt like I had missed out as I didn't have those "Remember that one time in 2nd grade" stories. Thus with the white kids I was the "weird African boy" and with black kids I wasn't "black enough." For years, I struggled to fit in and one of the most hurtful things was when people would feign interest or care for me, but then I would discover that behind my back they were dogging me out and instigating conflict. Thus one of the biggest chips on my shoulder is a direct result of YEARS of being treated this way. I developed this "fuck the world" mentality and when I eventually came into my own, I promised myself that I would not be like those people. If I don't like you, then I just won't put up with you, and it's not say that I am mean to you. Case in point, David Sweeny. I could not STAND this kid when I met him. To his credit he has matured and toned it down from his sophomore year to his senior year and honestly, without Chin bringing him around and me getting to see the intellectual side of him, I would now not consider him a friend. Remember I didn't run track so I only saw him at him utmost inebriated and obnoxious. He would ALWAYS pull out his soap box and go on his pretentious rants about EVERYTHING, before he would proceed to drunkenly do something stupid. For people like me who went to Michigan, it's ALWAYS annoying when students who are more privileged complain about certain things. I can't relate as I would have given anything to grow up like them. I realize that people only know what they are intimately aware of and it takes getting out in the world to witness that everyone didn't grow up just like you. I've come to see that this is one of the biggest benefits of the "Michigan Difference" because it is a true melting pot. Where else in our young lives would we meet such an assortment of individuals and backgrounds? True story. I was once talking to my black friend from Atlanta and during the conversation she said "Coming to Michigan was a "step down" from her high school." What?!?! She was serious, it wasn't like she was being boastful as I sat there DUMBFOUNDED. Where did she go to high school...Heaven??? So whether it's a Cass, or Chin, or Sweeny, or Wheeler, or my rich black friends, or my rich white friends, when I hear certain complaining, I can't help but have the thought in the back of my mind like, "Shut the fuck up!" So when I told Sweeny that I couldn't stand him he was surprised like, "Really?" because I was never mean to him. If he was over the house drinking, I was sociable and talked to him as needed. However, when he was out of sight he was none existent to me because I don't have the patience for people I don't like. So in returning to my point about being fake, I would rather not bang with you, than "pretend" that I give a fuck about you. Everyone talks privately to their friends about other people, that's different. What I'm talking about is when you dog someone out, throw them under the bus and then back the bus up to run them over again, YET when you see them it's, "Hey! How's it going? How's your mom, you're such a sweetheart!!!" <<<FAKE!!! Cassie's team, among others, was KNOWN for this and I can't do it. It's not for me. So going back to "busy," I just didn't have time for the girl but it wasn't personal. If she's ever in Detroit and wants to do some "black" things, I can bang with that. (I swear I never mean to go on these side notes, it's simply where the writing takes me).

          In going back to Whitney, I want to say that she's a sweetheart but I believe that part of hooking up with Stev was partly a means to get back at Chin, because after her and Stev, she NEVER talked to us again and I miss those damn cupcakes! In hindsight, it easily could have been me but I felt kind of bad for having to keep it from Chin, however the other side of me didn't care because Chin brought it upon himself. He could have easily told her that his feelings for her weren't as strong and left her alone. So it was good that it came out because Stev and I had literally talked about Whitney the night before assuming that Chin didn't know, so it was a funny revelation to discover that he had known for a while. "After tonight, don't bring your bring ya girl around me. True player for real, ask my niggas for real.." (Shout outs to you if you know that lyric but I'm wagging my finger at you. Don't pursue partners that your friends have a history with because it puts you in an awkward position). Remember it's "Death before dishonor," "Chick's before dicks," and "Bro's before hoes." Always. It's how gentlemen and gentlewomen live and more importantly galfers. "Aloha to women with no ties, to men that I know well, that way there are no lies." (Where's this lyric from?). So we ordered our food when we first sat down and 50 minutes later it had not arrived yet. We had to seek out the manager and inquire about our food as we hadn't even seen the server since she brought our order of drinks. Ten minutes later, the server/manager returned apologizing for the delay. CLEARLY the server had just been yelled at because she was scowling about something. As they walked away I said, "Yup! we're getting our shit spit in!" Our food eventually arrived and even if it was seasoned with saliva, it tasted good, so Sidetrack's is definitely recommended if you're ever in the Ypsilanti area. 

          We returned to Hotel Arch and I showered and got ready for the evening as my parent's were arriving in AA shortly. I then joined the rest of the guys on the roof in the midst of their sangria competition. I don't recall but the winner was between Chin or Sweeny, as Cassie's drink was ROUGH! We drank for a few hours and then my family pulled up to the front of Hotel Arch. The car was full so I hopped on my bike and followed them down to S. University for that Chinese restaurant that is across from TCF bank. (I don't recall the name so I don't want to make something up like "Sparkling Dragon" that's clearly ignorant). The food was delicious but I couldn't fully enjoy it as I was DRUNK! So I was fighting with all my might to force the food down and hold my shit together as I realized that I had never been drunk in front of my parent's. By the time I returned to Hotel Arch, the group had made their way over to Prickley Pear for dinner, so I parked my bike and walked to downtown AA. Conner Oneil's Pub was in the neighborhood so I stopped by for a few drinks as I was chatting it up with these older women at the bar (wink wink). My crew told me through a text message that they were finished with dinner, so I had to use the bathroom before I left. So I turned to seek the nearest bathroom. I saw people walking into this lobby area that was empty so I followed them. I tried to open the male bathroom and it was locked. Fuck! I really had to go or I would have pissed on myself. I turned around and the woman's bathroom was slightly opened so I knocked and pushed it open saying, "Excuse me. I really have to use the bathroom and the male one locked." It was just some woman frisking herself in the mirror. So I waited for 30 seconds before I couldn't stand it any longer, so I said, "Fuck it! You can watch," as I approached the toilet. Realizing that I was serious, she then stops playing with herself and walks out of the bathroom. Sometimes you can't talk about things, you simply have to do it! So she was out of the door by the time I pulled anything out and I spent maybe 8 seconds in the bathroom as I REALLY had to go. I washed my hands and exited and my crew was now standing before me along with that woman and the manager of Conner's. He had the THICKEST Irish accent that I've ever heard and I couldn't understand him. So I assumed that she must have told him that a "Crazy black guy attacked her and kicked her out of the bathroom" or something. He kept talking and was visibly upset but I was like, "Bruh! I cannot understand you, and the alcohol isn't helping," so we all laughed and left. We ended up at Bar Louie which was a BUZZ KILL, however Andre had rejoined us with "Kitty Kat." She was this exotic, sultry petite girl that he had met in Chicago. Apparently, she was in Tri-Delta and this was a shock because I had always assumed that they only permitted prissy white girls to join their ranks. This is the same sorority that when girls are pledging they go through the prospects closet to investigate her designer labels to determine if she was "worth enough" to become one of them. (See it's things like this, which include being fake, that I wrongly assumed I wouldn't see in college. However, I quickly learned as a freshman that being an undergraduate doesn't make you any more mature than reading the New York Times or something). Kitty Kat was clearly mixed with some kind of Asian but she was stunning! So Andre I APPROVE of that message. Andre eventually left with her to go play with Kitty Kat's Kat (I couldn't resist!). Shortly after, the five of us, made our way over to S. University and I remember NONE of this. When we "go to S. University" it inevitably means we end up at Rick's so I assume that I was kissing someone, but I didn't go home with any girl, however, it was still a great night.


  1. Maybe Lizzie could be like your female Sweeney. I think I'll have to dedicate my next blog to justifying some of my more questionable decisions while at 1502. This all depends on when I decide to get a new laptop charger.

  2. A few things to say here:
    -That girl at Kroger was a BITCH - clearly had some self-esteem issues, as I'm sure most people wearing Shape-Ups do...
    -I still don't like me, but I'm glad you've reevaluated
    -I definitely won the Sangria contest (sorry Chin). Although, when Cassie's and mine were combined it was pretty good too
    -You forgot to mention your bike ride to meet your family
    -I introduced Kat to Andre. I KNEW HER FIRST!!! (slightly bitter over the whole thing)

    That might have been the best weekend I have ever had in Ann Arbor. Great account of what happened. At least what we remember.

  3. Haha...yea problem of blogging WEEKS after the fact, but Chin who is "lizzie" I'm not sure who u are referring to, and Sweeny, YES ur either the greatest wingman ever or you dropped the ball on Kitty Kat, she was all kinds of sexy, at least better than "one of Pacman's villans" lol